You Get What You Ask For...Or Not

I have a feeling today's blog is going to be a mish mash of topics. For this past month I feel like I have been just going and going and going (my energizer battery was going full steam) and if you know me, which I assume you do since you're reading my blog, you know this is highly unlike me. I am a creature of habit. I like the occasional surprise and change in my life, but for the most part, I like stability. Now, I knew moving to Utah would bring an upheaval in my life and I tried to prepare myself as best I could, but sometimes your best isn't good enough. There have been times this past month that I got through with my day and I just sat in my room and cried. Nothing terrible had happened during the day, it was just a different day than what I was used to. There have been so many positive things to come out of this move already that I can't say it hasn't been worth it, but change is hard! I feel like every single part of my life has been touched by change. Change that I allowed to come in. I cannot blame anyone else, but me. I no longer want to go to South Dakota (because I have a feeling I would only be able to make it to Wyoming at this point and who wants to live in Wyoming during the winter??). Hmmm...I bet I have your interest as to what the positives have been (or not, but read on anyway!). Well, for starters, I have met some pretty cool people since I've been down here. My social life, which used to be less than zero (yes, I considered work my social life...HA!) is now probably a 5ish. Not exactly where I want it to be, but I'm working on it. Another positive is that I'm praying again. If any of you reading this have gotten out of the habit (and it is so easy to do!), I challenge you to start again. I've found that as I pray and have a prayer in my heart throughout the day, I am much more receptive to promptings of the Spirit. Yes, even out on the Utah freeways. I think I need prayer there. ;). Another positive has been getting over my fear and anxiety of driving on the freeway...in my car. For those of you who don't know, a few years back, I took a trip to Utah and Idaho by myself and in the process had two tires blow out on me on the freeway. Not one...two. And these were good tires. Fairly new and were replaced for free, but it was slightly traumatic. So, every time I got on the freeway after that, it was almost like I was having a small anxiety attack. I would have to turn my music up so loud and preferably have my cruise control on, so I couldn't hear the tires. I got so freaked out every time there was a noise shift in the way the tires were gripping the road. It was almost debilitating at times (sorry, mom). So here, I lived in Lehi, UT and my work was 45 minutes away...almost all on the freeway. I had to drive! For the first couple of days I was just glad to make it to work and back. Period. Plus, I've never lived in a city, so it was all strange and big and new (wow, don't I sound like a little innocent) and there were cars weaving in and out, not using blinkers. I am also thankful I did not see an accident for the first couple of weeks, so I didn't worry about that while I was getting my driving feet under me again. But day by day it became easier. I learned to become part of the dance of I-15. I learned to glance over my shoulder and weave in and out of traffic. I gun my engine (not too much because, hey, I'm still a Washingtonian) and start to signal as I'm changing lanes already (at least I use my signal). And my fear is gone. I don't have anxiety when I'm getting onto the freeway and I don't wonder if my tires are going to give out on me. That has been such a great relief and blessing in my life, y'all have no idea.

Subject Change: Right now my heart is so full. Do you ever feel like that, imaginary cyberspace friend? Where you feel like there is so much inside of you that you're going to explode if it doesn't come out? Sometimes I get like that and I have all these great ideas (most of which just get pushed back into my brain), but today I feel like I could move mountains...and there is absolutely no reason for this. Nothing big has happened. I did see my friend, Jenny, but I felt like this beforehand. There is this deep and abiding passion for life that is bubbling inside of me. I feel the need to sing and to run and to write. Outwardly, I am the picture of calm and practicality, but inside I feel so alive. And if I had the stage, I would be unstoppable on it tonight. I would sing ballads. I would sing rock. I would sing with my heart and all the talent God gave me. But I have to unpack. You know, I just had a thought. Maybe my writing is an outlet for this passion. Maybe. Sometimes I just want to have someone there to listen to all that is inside of me. There is so much there. Some of it is buried deep, but if I had someone to sit there and listen to me for a day or night, I can imagine it would all come out. Someone who actually wants to discover what is inside of me. Because it would be a discovery. Where did that come from? Imaginary cyberspace friend, you are supposed to keep me reined in. Do your job!

Well, it was only a slightly mishmash of topics, but you get it. The moral of this blog: You get what you asked for...or not. Hehe.

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