Tuesday, September 6, 2011

While I'm Waiting

A friend of mine posted this song on facebook, "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I had posted this about a month and a half ago at the very end of my relationship. I still had hope that the relationship would work, but knew there were problems. I was sad all of the time at the end, unsettled about where the relationship was headed. I knew near the end that if something drastic didn't happen, it would be over. And that made me sad even before it was over. One night I decided to watch Fireproof (I don't know, maybe for some inspiration or something like that...). This song was on the soundtrack and as I listened to it, it perfectly described how I was feeling. I knew something was coming and I knew I wasn't going to have much control over what it was, but I knew that it was going to change me. It was going to turn me back to God. Okay, I actually didn't know THAT at the time, but once I heard this song, I knew I was still hopeful. I knew that I had to wait some more. I had to be patient. But I also knew I couldn't sit still and just wait for everything to be handed to me...that's where the moving ahead bold and confident part came in.

Seeing this song tonight and listening to it again, I can only thank my Heavenly Father for this past month. It has been an amazing time in my life. I have learned the power prayer has in my life. The power that my prayers have for other people's lives. I have learned how to worship better. I have learned that life is meant to be lived and that most people don't really know how to do this, but I have no control over this. I have learned to be a friend when I wished to still be the girlfriend. But most of all, I have learned to be grateful. Am I perfect at this? No. But I can recognize blessing in my life and recognize that God loves me more than I could have ever imagined. I have learned to let Him lead my life again...and I'm happy. A month ago, I thought happiness was out of my grasp for a long time (Heck, read the post around that time...yikes!), but through all of this, I was allowed to find that happiness in my life. And you know what? It doesn't come from a man. Yes, he can add to my happiness, but ultimately my happiness comes from doing what I know is right in my life. It comes from reading scripture. It comes from running five miles. It comes from sweet, silent moments. It comes from my trainer making me do 30 more calf raises. It comes from singing at church. It comes from helping a child find a book at work. It comes from laughing with my friends. It comes from just listening to what God wants me to do, and then doing it. Happiness doesn't come from lying on the floor, curled up in a ball, crying and wailing and wondering why??? Happiness CAN come from understanding why I had to go through that. (In case you're wondering, I may have spent a day or two on the floor, curled up in a ball, crying) I like where I am right now. I'm happy. And that is enough.