Thursday, October 28, 2010

Distractions Abound While Texting

So, I somehow formatted my internet in a what I can only call a "large print" mode. It's not terribly inconvenient, but I would like to know how I did it, so that perhaps I can undo it. I may have to ask for help on this one. Hey! This will help with one of my 15 things, which is asking for help. Yeah...we'll see if I can't figure it out on my own ;).

That was not the topic I had in mind. Although it would, I'm sure make for an entertaining topic (entitled, Times I Should Have Asked for Help, but Didn't...maybe next time) it is not what I have on my mind. What do I have on my mind, you might be asking yourself. You are asking yourself, aren't you, imaginary cyberspace friend? (On a side note, I'm listening to the Carpenter's "Superstar" and thinking of Tommyboy...not what I have on my mind) Okay, now I'm torn. I could either be all serious or humorous. When confronted with that option, well I...I don't know. I am feeling really distracted right now and that is what I want to talk about. Distraction. I cannot remember if I've ever talked about distraction before. This world seems to be so busy. I go through my day just thinking that everything is going alright, but before I know it, it's 10:23 pm and I haven't worked out yet. I haven't eaten dinner. I haven't written the blog I've been meaning to for a few days. (Distraction: it just shifted to Wilson Phillips' "You're in Love" which I associate with my preteen years...ahh...the preteen years, which are a precursor to your teen years which only suck slightly less than said teen years. ;)) So, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Distraction. I wrote about planning in my last blog and you would think, wouldn't you, imaginary cyberspace friend, that I would have embraced planning my life out to great detail after that. Having my eyes on the prize. (Another side note: Rascal Flatts just shuffled in. I love them so much and cannot wait for their new album :)) Okay, back on subject. Distraction. I don't know about anyone else, but I use distraction to both my advantage and disadvantage. I try to distract others when topics or situations become uncomfortable for them. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It depends on their focus really.  Maybe that's all I should say on that subject. I don't know who is reading this and I don't want to reveal all my trade secrets ;). Wow, my mind is swirling. All these things going through it. For example, sometimes I feel like a bad sister, a bad daughter. Maybe bad is the wrong word, but definitely not the greatest in the world. I feel like sometimes I am trying so hard to live and build my life, that I forget who has helped me to build this life I'm trying to live. I lose communication with them for long stretches of time and in my mind that is a failing of mine. It's not that I don't want to talk to them or that I don't think of them often, it is just I am distracted in my life from taking the time to do these things. Like pick up my cell phone, touch a button and call. I was watching a talk tonight on addiction (having a food addiction, these types of things help me to focus) and one of the things mentioned was a texting addiction. Now, I don't think I've become addicted to texting, but it has become the preferred form of communication for me. (Side note that is actually relevant to the topic: one thing mentioned in the talk was observing two teens texting each other while standing next to each other...yeah. One of my favorite memories is sitting around the living room at my mom's house with my sister, Melanie and my brother, Matt and us texting each other...while we were sitting next to each other. Laughter abounded that night.) Texting allows me to "talk" to someone while doing something else (not driving!). It does not allow me to focus on that person, which is a form of distraction. It has gotten to the point where I almost feel like it is going to be, you know, hard, to make an actual phone call and carry on a conversation where you can't think of the perfect thing to say, then type it, then do something else while waiting for a response. A phone call takes focus and I think it should say to the other person...I'm thinking of you and only you right now. Something to think about. Haha! Who would have thought 10 years ago that making a phone call would be such a hard thing to do (besides the obvious calling of the person of interest to ask out on a date, which has been and will always be hard, but guess what? We have texting to overcome that anxiety and also the anxiety of breaking up with person not of interest anymore!)? So, you know what I am going to do? I am going to call one person a day for the next week...or so. I want the people in my life to know they are not mere distractions to me. (Final side note: Imaginary cyberspace friend, I added that picture above as a tribute to you...and to distract those who happen upon this blog.)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

If You Fail to Plan, You Plan to Fail

So, a quote has been rolling around in my head for the past week. It goes "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail." This was the subject line to one of the Jillian Michaels' emails I get every day. Now, I will admit that I didn't actually read it, but I can guess what it said. Something along the lines of plan your workouts. Plan your meals. Plan your diet, etc. I was driving home tonight from work and was thinking I wanted to write in my blog tonight (which I'm doing, yay me), but I wanted a subject. Since I was thinking of it before I sat down to write, this quote came to my mind...again. It makes me think of progression in this life. As in, if you're not progressing in your personal, spiritual and professional life, you're sliding backwards. Life is such that you can't really stand still. Time is always moving. This world is always moving. What we do with each second, with each minute will determine whether we are moving forward or backwards. Whether we have planned to fail or not. I, for one, do not want to fail in this life. For those of you who are LDS, remember God has a great Plan. He does not plan to fail and it is His greatest work that we do not as well. That is the Big Picture. It is good to be reminded of that on probably a daily basis, but what about the now. I'm asking myself this question. How well do I plan? There are things I'm great at planning. Hmmm...let me think. I know there's something I'm great at planning. Wow. I can't think of one thing I am really great at planning. I look at my typical day and usually it is filled up, but it is never really planned out. Is every day a failure, then? I don't think so, but if I had a plan, would it have been a better day? A more productive day? Every year, I buy a planner. At this point in my life, I don't know why I do this. I might use it for a few weeks at the beginning of the year, then maybe for a few more weeks during the middle of the year when I stumble upon it again, but for the most part, my life is not planned out. This past year, I came up with a five year plan, but it is not set in stone. There is a timeline I want to follow, but it is not written down. It is not planned out as well as it could be. I do not plan to fail in this, but if I do not plan it out correctly and in a timely manner (don't you just love the phrase 'timely manner'?), then I might just be planning on failing.

Okay, so I have my five year plan, but what about my day to day planning? I know that I should plan out each week, say on Sunday, just so I, well, have a plan and that I don't fail that week to workout or that I don't fail that week to eat right because I didn't plan a grocery trip and I was out of good food (not that it happened tonight or anything like that...ahem). So, probably what really brought this on was yesterday, Saturday. I didn't work until 4 in the afternoon, but the day was spent tooling around on the computer without accomplishing anything. I woke up too late and did not get a workout in because I did not plan my day properly. I wanted to go running, heck, I even put on my facebook status (time waster galore) that I was going running, yet, right after I typed that, I looked at the clock and realized I had to start getting ready for work then. The day was a complete waste and it was really all due to lack of planning. Then, I didn't leave myself enough time to pack a lunch (yet, more failure) and so I had to eat out, costing me money and calories. I rode trax (public train transportation), but even that was almost an epic failure. I've been down here for almost a month and decided on a whim to give it a try. The only planned part of the day was to leave early enough to catch the train to make it to work on time (which I did), but if I had researched or planned better, I would have realized there was a parking lot right next to my stop and avoided walking a mile home at midnight (not that it's really that unsafe in Sandy, but you never know). So, Saturday was almost an epic fail, with the exception of getting to trax on time.

So, guess what this means? I need to dust off my planner and start actually planning my life. I don't want to fail. You shouldn't want to fail either, imaginary cyberspace friend. Let's get planning (yes, that is a bit hokey, but I like it :))

Friday, October 8, 2010

You Get What You Ask For...Or Not

I have a feeling today's blog is going to be a mish mash of topics. For this past month I feel like I have been just going and going and going (my energizer battery was going full steam) and if you know me, which I assume you do since you're reading my blog, you know this is highly unlike me. I am a creature of habit. I like the occasional surprise and change in my life, but for the most part, I like stability. Now, I knew moving to Utah would bring an upheaval in my life and I tried to prepare myself as best I could, but sometimes your best isn't good enough. There have been times this past month that I got through with my day and I just sat in my room and cried. Nothing terrible had happened during the day, it was just a different day than what I was used to. There have been so many positive things to come out of this move already that I can't say it hasn't been worth it, but change is hard! I feel like every single part of my life has been touched by change. Change that I allowed to come in. I cannot blame anyone else, but me. I no longer want to go to South Dakota (because I have a feeling I would only be able to make it to Wyoming at this point and who wants to live in Wyoming during the winter??). Hmmm...I bet I have your interest as to what the positives have been (or not, but read on anyway!). Well, for starters, I have met some pretty cool people since I've been down here. My social life, which used to be less than zero (yes, I considered work my social life...HA!) is now probably a 5ish. Not exactly where I want it to be, but I'm working on it. Another positive is that I'm praying again. If any of you reading this have gotten out of the habit (and it is so easy to do!), I challenge you to start again. I've found that as I pray and have a prayer in my heart throughout the day, I am much more receptive to promptings of the Spirit. Yes, even out on the Utah freeways. I think I need prayer there. ;). Another positive has been getting over my fear and anxiety of driving on the my car. For those of you who don't know, a few years back, I took a trip to Utah and Idaho by myself and in the process had two tires blow out on me on the freeway. Not one...two. And these were good tires. Fairly new and were replaced for free, but it was slightly traumatic. So, every time I got on the freeway after that, it was almost like I was having a small anxiety attack. I would have to turn my music up so loud and preferably have my cruise control on, so I couldn't hear the tires. I got so freaked out every time there was a noise shift in the way the tires were gripping the road. It was almost debilitating at times (sorry, mom). So here, I lived in Lehi, UT and my work was 45 minutes away...almost all on the freeway. I had to drive! For the first couple of days I was just glad to make it to work and back. Period. Plus, I've never lived in a city, so it was all strange and big and new (wow, don't I sound like a little innocent) and there were cars weaving in and out, not using blinkers. I am also thankful I did not see an accident for the first couple of weeks, so I didn't worry about that while I was getting my driving feet under me again. But day by day it became easier. I learned to become part of the dance of I-15. I learned to glance over my shoulder and weave in and out of traffic. I gun my engine (not too much because, hey, I'm still a Washingtonian) and start to signal as I'm changing lanes already (at least I use my signal). And my fear is gone. I don't have anxiety when I'm getting onto the freeway and I don't wonder if my tires are going to give out on me. That has been such a great relief and blessing in my life, y'all have no idea.

Subject Change: Right now my heart is so full. Do you ever feel like that, imaginary cyberspace friend? Where you feel like there is so much inside of you that you're going to explode if it doesn't come out? Sometimes I get like that and I have all these great ideas (most of which just get pushed back into my brain), but today I feel like I could move mountains...and there is absolutely no reason for this. Nothing big has happened. I did see my friend, Jenny, but I felt like this beforehand. There is this deep and abiding passion for life that is bubbling inside of me. I feel the need to sing and to run and to write. Outwardly, I am the picture of calm and practicality, but inside I feel so alive. And if I had the stage, I would be unstoppable on it tonight. I would sing ballads. I would sing rock. I would sing with my heart and all the talent God gave me. But I have to unpack. You know, I just had a thought. Maybe my writing is an outlet for this passion. Maybe. Sometimes I just want to have someone there to listen to all that is inside of me. There is so much there. Some of it is buried deep, but if I had someone to sit there and listen to me for a day or night, I can imagine it would all come out. Someone who actually wants to discover what is inside of me. Because it would be a discovery. Where did that come from? Imaginary cyberspace friend, you are supposed to keep me reined in. Do your job!

Well, it was only a slightly mishmash of topics, but you get it. The moral of this blog: You get what you asked for...or not. Hehe.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Worms Are Gross

So, I'm just sitting here on the couch at my sister's house waiting for a storm (and rush 2-3 hour traffic) to end. I went on facebook and took four quizzes determining that I am Juliet, Indo-Iranian Goddess Anahiti of Water, Mary Magdalene and that the era I should be in is the 70's. Thrilling stuff, let me tell you. I know there are better things I should be doing with my time...yeah. I'm trying to think about what they could be while waiting for weather and traffic to pass. Let's see. I could be listening to music (but then I could also be taking quizzes at the same time). I could be reading something, but all my books are either packed, in storage or at my new apartment, which I am not at. Hmmm...I could be cyberstalking other people. Isn't that a funny word, cyberstalking? I invite people to do that to me. As long as they don't steal my identity, go ahead and see how wonderful I am! Hahahaha. Sometimes I wonder at how I became this person that thinks she's so wonderful. I mean, I'm not terrible, but I could always be better and I suppose that if you go way down deep, I have flaws ;). I'm not going to point them out because that would defeat the purpose of presenting a wonderful person to the people around me. (Ew...worms on the tv...sorry, Curious George is on and he's learning about worms). Okay, let's go back to what I could be doing besides taking quizzes on facebook. Ummm...I could be digging in the dirt. Sheesh, I really need to stop taking my cues from cartoons on PBS. Maybe I'll just take a nap.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Right Into the Crapper

I'm in a writing mood. Today has been a crapper of a day. I woke up feeling less than cheery, but alright. I was still on a high from running so well last night, so that helped, but I woke up only 6 hours after I went to sleep, so that didn't help. Ugh. I don't feel like rehashing it at all, so I won't. I'm feeling slightly exhausted right now and I think that whatever comes out won't be the most flattering to anyone involved ( imaginary cyberspace friend, etc.). All I can say is thank goodness Gone With the Wind is my favorite movie because "tomorrow is another day...." Tear stained face (check). Hopeful look in my eyes (check). Going to bed now. This day goes right into the crapper.