Monday, May 9, 2011

The Stefanie Show No More

I told my sister, Melanie, that I would write a new blog today (well, technically yesterday, but I haven't gone to bed, yet...). So, here it is. I'm not sure what I want to write about. I really should be in bed, sleeping, but I had such a nice nap against my boyfriend while he watched a movie (haha) that I feel slightly refreshed. Hmmm...I think I want to talk about cuddling. What do you think, Imaginary Cyberspace Friend? You agree? Great. Well, cuddling is pretty awesome. I am 30 years old, almost 31 and this is the first time in my life that I've really cuddled with a boy. Cuddling, as in sitting on the couch next to him, having him put his arm around me and me leaning into him, or putting my head on his chest and just listening to his heartbeat. He might stroke or kiss my hair and it's just a sense of being loved and protected. It pretty much rocks my socks every time I think about it. This whole serious relationship rocks my socks if I think about it (which, being a girl, really comes with the territory). Sometimes it's a little strange contemplating sharing my life with someone else. I've been single for so long, out on my own, that sometimes it just takes me aback when I realize I have to consider the plans and actions of someone else. It's not just The Stefanie Show anymore. Don't get me wrong, The Stefanie Show was amazing and it had a long run, but it was really time to retire it. I've felt for a very long time that I didn't want to be this selfish single being anymore, but my nature, as a single person with no children, was, in essense, a selfish person. I think it is fabulous there are single people out there that can break free from the selfishness and think of others before themselves, but, unfortunately, I was not one of them. Sure, I had my moments, but almost everything I did in my life directly benefited me, myself and I. With this relationship, I am finding out that what I want to do on a daily basis is to benefit the other person. Am I perfect at this? Heck, no. 30 years of being single and selfish will not be overcome in a few short months. But I'm learning everyday how to be a better part of this couple. For example, the other night, Aaron (that's his name :)) was out at a meeting. It was Cinco de Mayo and so I suggested that we make enchiladas, which I would make and have ready when he was done. I went a little further and got some throwback mountain dew (made with sugar, not HFCS) to put in the fridge to chill, just a little surprise. He comes home and it's just come out of the oven. He starts to tell me about the meeting and how it wasn't what he thought it was going to be. I could tell he was a little stressed out about it, as he was pacing around my house instead of just standing/sitting still, so I take his hand, lead him into the kitchen, open the fridge and pull out the soda. He looks at me with these blue, blue eyes and just smiles, gives me a big hug and says, "my baby loves me". We then dish up and he makes another comment about how nice it is to come home to a home cooked meal. He never got that until the other night. And in my heart, I felt like such a woman. You know, that primal part of me that wants to be there when her man comes home to feed and pamper him. That unselfish, completely feminine, part of me that lights up when it all comes together like that.