Monday, August 30, 2010

Still Sitting Here

So, I just spent my last night in my apartment. I must admit, I hugged the walls a little bit last night. Now I'm just sad I have to clean it.... Oh, well. I suppose I should just get to it. Yeah. I probably should. Here I go. Sigh. Still sitting here. It's been real La Serena #E305. I don't know why I keep saying that to people. I said that to a couple of my co-workers when I was leaving. Of course it's been real. These past four years haven't been fake, but sometimes you just don't know what to say. Should I have said, "See ya, sucka's!"? Probably not. I really should be cleaning right now. Not sitting on my butt writing silly things. Alright. Here I go. I'm going. Yup, still sitting here.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

There Shall Be Great Rejoicing and Cake!

So, I'm getting ready to move next week (seriously, where has the time gone!) and just in the past two days, I've had two conversations with two different people that really hashed out my feelings about this. The first was last night after I got home from work. I had just worked my last shift with my fellow Merchandise Manager, Jim Higgins, with whom I had probably the best work relationship I've ever had with anyone. (That was just a side note.) I messaged him and told him I would miss him terribly and I couldn't believe I would never work with him again (sniff, sniff). And also that moving to Utah was the real deal. Here's exactly what I said, "as in as soon as I get down to Utah, it's for real. No more crap foods. No more being stagnant on my weight loss. I HAVE to be at my ideal weight before school starts or I don't know if I can do this. How can I tell someone else how to change their lives or lose weight if I'm still carrying around excess baggage myself? I can't. Pure and simple." It put that part of it sharply in focus. I had kind of known that I probably needed to get down to my ideal weight, but there is reason behind it and a deadline now. Of course, the next line I asked him to bring me some cake from his amazing baker wife, Kelly. Hey! I still have a week before it's serious :).

The next conversation I had was with my sister, Melanie, today. We were sitting at Applebee's (still have one week!) and she asked me if I was nervous about moving and without hesitation I said, no. I keep thinking I should be, but to be completely and totally honest, I have never once doubted this decision and because it is my decision and I feel I have the full support of Heaven in this, nothing but great things can come from this. I'm not saying it won't be hard. Nothing worth anything isn't hard. And in the end, this will be worth much. I then told her that with this move, I finally feel like my life is starting. That I had been floating through and now there is direction and a goal and life and light.  As soon as those words came out of my mouth, I knew they were true.

Hmmm...that's some serious stuff right there. I think I shall have to end this on a lighter note...cake!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Feeling A Country Song Coming On

Hmmm...what am I thinking about right now? Well, to be completely honest, I'm trying to think of a topic that doesn't have to do with "The Jungle Book" or being lazy. These are two ideas that I just tried to flesh out and it ended up with mass deletions. I'm listening to Lady Antebellum right now. You know, imaginary cyberspace friend, I used to hate country. As a teenager, I was convinced it was the worst music ever invented. Then, my friend, Kelly, introduced me to Reba McEntire. And you would think that since Reba is really real country that I would hate it, but I loved her. Well, I loved the one tape I had of her. So, I had to make a small concession that maybe all country wasn't an offense to my ears. And it went from there. I added Rascal Flatts to my group of favorites. I like Keith Urban. I like George Strait. I like Carrie Underwood. I like Sugarland. And I still like Reba. I will listen to country music stations for long periods of time and I find that I enjoy the songs that have to do with tractors (because a lot of them have to do with tractors and everything you can do with or in them). Yes, most of the country nowadays can be crossed over, so that may have a little to do with why I don't despise it anymore, but actually prefer it sometimes to the contemporary stations we have out here.
Subject Change: I'm moving in a few days. I feel good about it. Calm. That is something else that's going through my mind. Although, I may be a little more stressed out about it than I am thinking I am. I should know how I'm feeling, but sometimes it manifests itself in strange ways. Right now I seem to be eating a whole lot more crap. And I think it may be associated with all these changes in my life. is good to realize this, imaginary cyberspace friend. So...I feel good and calm, but stressed. Ah, the joys of being a woman.

Friday, August 20, 2010


Today I woke up feeling blah. Do you ever feel like that, imaginary cyberspace friend? I'm sure you do. I'm sure everyone has felt like that. But, why? Nothing bad has happened in the day yet? So, why should I feel an impending sense of doom and dismay and blahness at the world in general? Too many questions I don't have the answers to. I suppose it could be the things that have happened in days past. Maybe. I moved a bunch of my furniture out of my apartment yesterday and while I am glad to be moving on with my life, this apartment I've lived in these past 3 years has been my first real home. I would come home every night and just be glad to be living where I was living. I made it mine and it was comfortable and inviting. Everything was set up just so. I had enough room to workout. I had my perfect couch to take naps on. My kitchen was always stocked with whatever I needed and it was a nice kitchen to cook in. My bathroom was decorated and I had a walk in closet with color coordinated clothes hanging up, so if I felt like I wanted to wear black, I shuffled through my black shirts. If I felt like pink and so on and so forth. It was a nice place to live. But in truth, it was really never mine. As long as I live in an apartment, I will always feel like a guest in my own home. I was limited in what I could do. For example, if I wanted to workout at 11 at night (or really any time my downstairs neighbors were home), I would have to pack up all sorts of gear and head out to my little gym. The little gym was nice, but it definitely kept me from working out on several occasions. And yes, I know that's only an excuse, but I had it, so I used it. I couldn't listen to music very loudly (not that it stopped me sometimes). Don't get me wrong, as far as apartments go, this has been awesome, but there is just the fact that they are limiting when it comes to living situations.
I thought maybe writing might get me out of this blahness I'm in, but it hasn't done the trick, nor did working out. And now I have to get ready for work...blah.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Friendliest Salesperson in the World!

So, I went into a purse shop a couple of days ago, just to browse with my sister. I didn't need a purse (or clothes that only fit a size 4 and down), but I am a girl, as is my sister and so we like girly purses. We go into the store and the sales lady is on the phone, which is fine. I get that, but there is no acknowledgement that two people just walked in on a very slow Friday, with no other customer in the store. No biggie. We're just going to look at these overpriced purses and see if one might be worth a little splurge (probably not). The sales lady gets off the phone and still nothing. We are still the only two people in the store. We walk around some more and even go right next to the counter where she is standing, looking down at something. I try to catch her eye to see if she will acknowledge me that way. Nothing. She looks away. I glance at my sister and we both look at the door. We walk out the door and the first thing I say is, "wow, that was probably the friendliest sales person, I've ever met!" Melanie agreed...well, she agreed we should probably never go back there.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My Marques

Once upon a time a beautiful baby Princess was born to two loving parents. They were so excited to have her in their family. She grew up surrounded by Princes and Princesses who loved to play and have fun. It was a happy childhood. The Princess loved her family, but sometimes found herself lost amongst all the royalty. She needed special people, called Marques, in her life to help her grow and become the Queen she was meant to be.

The Princess was 12 when she met her first Marque. The Princess was gawky to say the least. She was just starting to realize she was an individual who was made up of more than her immediate family. This Marque came in the form of a teacher. This teacher singled her out and for the first time made her feel special. For if you are royalty among royalty, there is no special. The teacher taught the Princess how to look up to others, follow good examples and make those around you feel special.

The Princess started to learn about herself, but was still a teenager when Marque 2 came into her life. This Marque came in the form of a teacher as well, but almost immediately became a friend. This Marque taught the Princess confidence in her abilities, in her talents. The Princess was starting to find her place in the kingdom.

A few years went by and the Princess became an adult. There were still several years to go before she would be a Queen and she knew she still had much to learn, so she was not surprised when Marque 3 came into her life. The Princess had decided to get a job out in the kingdom, to mingle with the common folk and earn a living. Marque 3 came in the form of her boss and mentor. This Marque taught the Princess to believe a leader was inside her. The Princess had doubted this ability for several years. She did not know if she would be able to be a good Queen. Marque 3 assured her the leader would emerge if she worked at it and believed in herself.

The Princess went on in life, taking what she had learned so far and applying it to better herself and the kingdom. But, the Princess did not know about love. Marque 4 entered her life to teach her about how to love another. Marque 4 was in the form of a boy. Marque 4 taught the Princess how to make others laugh. He taught her how to captivate another person for hours and to dream of something more. Marque 4 taught the Princess how to love, from deep inside, another person. After he had left, Marque 4 taught the Princess how to mend a broken heart.

The Princess was pretty independent by this time, but she was still filled with flaws. Flaws that seemed blaringly obvious to everyone or so she thought. She felt ugly almost all of the time. She was a leader, was confident in her abilities, had learned to love another, but still did not love herself. Marque 5 entered her life like a storm filled with thunder and lightning. It was beautiful at the same time it was terrible. A double-edged sword. Marque 5 taught the Princess how to swim after he tried to drown her. He taught her how to survive when all seemed lost. But Marque 5 also taught her that she was beautiful in another’s eyes. After he left, she started to believe it. And from the ashes of the lightning, beauty emerged and the Princess began to love herself for the first time.

Marque 6 crept into the Princess’ life quietly. Still reeling from the devastation Marque 5 had brought into her life, she did not recognize Marque 6 right away. Marque 6 had a gift of making others laugh and letting them feel at ease. The Princess needed this right now. She needed to laugh and start to enjoy her new life. The Princess talked about life with Marque 6 and Marque 6 would make a fart joke, teaching the Princess life was not to be taken too seriously. Marque 6 taught her how to be herself in front of another. He taught her how to be a partner, how to rely on another and know they would hold up their end of the bargain. Marque 6 taught the Princess what to look for in a partner when she would become a Queen.

Having met all of these Marques, the Princess feels ready to take the leap to create her own kingdom. She feels special and knows how to make others feel special. She is confident in her talents and abilities. She is the leader that was foreseen. She can love with all her heart and survive if her Prince turns out to be a frog. She is beautiful and loves herself. She knows life will throw her curveballs, but to laugh at it. She knows to be herself and if someone doesn’t like that, they aren’t worthy of her kingdom. She knows how to be a partner and what to look for when she meets her Prince.

I woke up from a nap thinking about my life and all that has lead to the decisions I'm making today. These are six people who have made a mark on my life that is forever there. These are six individuals that helped to shape the person that I am today in very, well, marked ways. Hence the term, Marque :). I love and have loved them all, yes, even Marque 5.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Two of My Favorite Things

Hmmm...what to write about tonight. I'm going to write about music and boys. These are two of my favorite things in the world. One I get. The other, not so much. Guess which, imaginary cyberspace friend. I was just scrolling through my iTunes library and was kind of amazed at how these two things are so interconnected for me. Not only do I have the love songs that remind me of certain boys, but I have so many artists on there because boys I liked, liked them, so I thought I should, too. Lame. Don't get me wrong, the love songs that I like way outnumber the "boy" songs. And there are some artists that I've been introduced to that I genuinely still like even long after the crush has faded. For example: Billy Joel. This was probably the first artist I thought I should like because of a boy. His name was well, not important, although those who knew me back then will probably know. I was a senior in high school and was in my first play (a musical called Don't Rock the Boat...ever heard of it, imaginary cyberspace friend? Yeah, didn't think so). I had a crush on a freshman who was in the same play. He was 14 and hot (I was only was perfectly legal). I had a license and a car, he did not. Plus, we were neighbors. So, I got to drive him home from rehearsal. Win. One day we were driving home and Billy Joel's "Piano Man" comes on the radio and we debate as to who the singer is. I say it's Billy Joel (duh) and he said some other singer I can't remember now. We end up betting a quarter and calling the radio station. I win (duh). I get a quarter and a love for Billy Joel. The crush faded as it should have as I turned 18 and he was still 15 (not so legal). Shortly after that I ended up buying his greatest hits Cd's. I've had it with me ever since, although I didn't really appreciated his music until several years later.

I have a lot of Celine Dion. She just happens to be my favorite singer in the entire world. Those who know me, know this. She kind of epitomizes my relationship with boys and music. I used to listen to songs like "I Love You" and "Dreamin' of You" and just dream (haha) about someone I could sing them to. That dream has since died (whoa...that's a whole other post), but every once in a while I will listen to them and see a prince charming who doesn't know he loves me or does but has to work up the courage to tell me...we embrace and the song comes on over the loud speaker. Wait. What's happening? I was...somewhere else. (Speak of the devil...she just popped into my mix: "I Drove All Night" which has a connection to a boy from college although he did not like this CD so much, but it was the first time I freely sang to a boy...hasn't happened since).

Then, there are the songs that I keep hearing that would be perfect for the song that I will sing to my future spouse at my picture perfect reception (another dream that's a little more gray as each year passes by). Yeah. Over the years there's been anything from Rascal Flatts' "Bless the Broken Road" or "The Day Before You" to Celine Dion's "A New Day Has Come" to "At Last" to "All I Ask of You." There have been others, but at this point there is not one. There hasn't been a boy that I've wanted to marry, well, ever, and as I mature and grow, I realize there will never be a perfect song until I meet that perfect (for me) man. Who knows? If I ever get married, I may be singing "The Puppy Song" because we both love You've Got Mail. Probably not, but come and bring a great present (or cash) just to find out ;). I promise, I will sing, though.

Sigh. I love music. And boys.
Oh, the picture is from Hawaii. My sister-in-law, Katrina, conspired with me one day to take as many pictures of me with hot Polynesian men as we could. And yes, we used my nieces as...uh...bait.