Thursday, August 20, 2009

Lost


So, I just got done watching "Julie and Julia," which is a movie about Julia Child's life while she was writing "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" and Julie, a woman, who at 29 finds herself lost. Julie decides to take a year to go through Julia Child's book and blog about it. While I have little to no interest in cooking French food, I thought the idea was quite intriguing. I really felt connected to this character, Julie. We are both the same age, we both have jobs that have nothing to do with our college education and we are both lost. I have been feeling quite lost in my life the past few months. And, like Julie, I see my friends that I went to high school with moving onward and upward with their lives, while mine just stands still. I know I shouldn't be comparing my life with anyone else's, but isn't that what we do? It is a natural tendency to have the mindset of "keeping up with the Jones.'" I, for one, never thought I had that complex, but as my life keeps churning forward, I can't help but notice and compare my life to those around me who are the same age (or even younger). And it has been disheartening. I actually don't know if I have ever had a clear vision for where my life was supposed to be at this point. And maybe that is part of the problem.
You see, growing up, I was always told my main purpose in life was to be a wife and mother. That was embedded in my head from the time I could hear, until, well, I'm still hearing it. Don't get me wrong, I think that is wonderful for all my sisters and sisters-in-law, but what happens when it doesn't happen. What happens when the only purpose your life has been given is taken away or never granted. What happens to all those lessons you were taught? What happens to the wedding dress pictures you took as a teenager? What happens to your life?
You become lost. That's what happens. So, here I am at age 29 and I am just realizing I need a new purpose in life. I need to stop thinking about being a wife and mother or not being as is the case for me. I need new purpose and it has to fall into line with my beliefs. That is where I am lost. Because the two don't match up for me.
I was thinking about this tonight and I think I need something that will take me a year to accomplish. Like Julie, I think I need a deadline. Something that will push me on to a new path. Give me new purpose for this life I want to lead. I thought maybe another weight loss goal, but that is already a work in progress. It has to be something new. Something that has the potential to be life changing. Something that will drag me out and push my limits. Something that will exhaust me, challenge me and make me want to quit at times.
I have always wanted to be a writer and I think with the right incentive, I can do it. I have also wanted to run a marathon for a few years. Choices, choices. It could be something like changing my job or moving to a completely new place. More choices. When I first started writing this, I had the idea in my head about writing. Now, I'm not sure. I have one week to decide.