I Got Nothing, Nothing but a Broken Heart
So, I've been really sad the past couple of weeks. Seriously sad, imaginary cyberspace friend, and I keep hoping I will snap out of it, but nothing seems to be working. I have to keep reminding myself that as time passes, so will this sadness, but two weeks have passed and I still feel that sharp knife like it was the day it happened. Yes, imaginary cyberspace friend, I broke up with my boyfriend. I keep thinking about that Frasier (and I know there will probably be no one out there that will know this), where Roz has broken up with her boyfriend and she pretends she's okay and that it didn't really matter. But then Frasier gets a call where this lady breaks down and says she broke up with her boyfriend almost a year ago and she can't seem to get over it. Frasier says something to the effect that she wasn't grieving for the loss of the person, but for the loss of what, oh, how did he put it, the loss of what she thought her life was going to be. I am grieving for the person lost right now, but also for the loss of what I thought my life was going to be. My mother pointed out that I had given up on marriage (haha...little did she know that was pretty much all a front), but that I bloomed and was in love and she told me it was a beautiful thing. Something she had never seen before. And it was a beautiful thing. And a sad thing when it was over. I know there have been billions of broken hearts in this world, but I can't help but feel right now, in this moment, that my heart is more broken than any one else's (yes, I know extremely selfish and narrow minded...yeah, don't care right now). You know what, yes, that is what I'm grieving right now, the loss of the life I thought I would have because I still have the opportunity to be friends with the boy, so I can't say I've lost him. I really don't know. Maybe I've lost him, too. In this moment, I feel like I have nothing, nothing but a broken heart. Oh, and after Frasier hung up with the caller, he looked over and Roz was sobbing. Everything was not okay.P.S. I'm taking 6 months off dating to try and fix my life. Will I reach my goal weight? Stay tuned.
I feel sad for you and little angry at him for letting you go. The situation is such a shame- my heart sank when I found out and it wasn't even happening to me.
ReplyDeleteThat said- hang in there. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions and let it out. I think that is very important.
I know it doesn't compare but you do always have your friends who love you and aren't going anywhere.
I am sad for you and for the life you could have had. Things do have a way of working things out eventually, but that is always hard to see at the onset of the loss. You are stronger than you may think and you will recover. There are great things in store for you, better things than you can even imagine. I am sure of it. You are loved by so many people, family and friends who only want the best for you and who look up to you as an amazing, strong, and beautiful person. Our love and devotion will not go away.
ReplyDeleteOh, and you don't need to 'fix your life'. You've had a bump in the road, well, more like a major car accident, but that doesn't discount all the other good stuff you have going for you. You are much more than your status as girlfriend. Don't sell the rest of you short.
ReplyDeleteYour life is far from over Stephanie. When one door closes, another opens even if we can not see when it happens.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jenna, you do not need to fix your life. All you need to do is focus on yourself and heal the wound that has developed. I promise you it will heal, in time. Remember to take one day at a time and always stop to smell the roses. Hang in there. :)
Been there girl. I feel for you. Let it drive you! Take all of those tears and all of that crap and drive it into the wall, with your weight loss. He was only a stepping stone getting you closer to true joy and happiness. Take what you felt when you were with him and multiply it by a million. That is what this pain turns into down the broken road that will lead you to your next stage in life. Hang in there. Complete empathy from me. ~Karlie
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