Food Addict With a Stomach Ache

I am sitting here at the computer, nursing a stomach ache because I decided I had nothing better to do than lay on the couch and watch SNL (Michael Buble was on, so...) and eat dark chocolate covered blueberries. And now my stomach hurts and it's 2 am. I should be sleeping like a good girl, having eaten healthy all day long and exercised extensively because it was my day off. Hmmm...I did do a Jillian workout, but I wouldn't call it extensive. So, that's 0 out of 3 for the day (no eating healthy, not enough exercise, no good girl). Ugh. I hate looking back on days like this, but it seems like more and more days are getting to be like this. Does this ever happen to you? I'm talking to you, imaginary cyberspace friend. Do you ever wake up in the morning, full of enthusiasm for the day and planning to be this great person, then go throughout the day, making little "mistakes" and by the end of the day, you find yourself in a sugar coma, laying on the couch, watching Poker After Dark and thinking to yourself, "what happened?" No? Well, it has happened to me on more than one occasion and I must admit, I don't like it. Sometimes I feel like such a hypocrite because I can't seem to make the right food choices all the time or I workout, but I quit halfway through because I just don't want to. (Oy, my stomach hurts) Sometimes, imaginary cyberspace friend, don't you just feel like a spectator in your own life. I know that sometimes time passes by and I look back and see...nothing. It is at times like this that I am glad I am going to be making changes in my life. It gives me hope that one day, I may be able to conquer this food addiction (sweet, sweet food), but at 2 am on a Sunday morning, with a stomach ache, it seems like I will forever be a spectator, an addict...watching myself reach my hand into the bag and pulling out another handful. Not being able to stop myself...and no amount of thinking "stop!" is going to persuade me from doing anything else. Man...I need a life. Sorry, that thought just popped into my head. Focus. And you know what the dumbest thing is? I keep thinking: "well, they were chocolate covered blueberries, so maybe I was eating healthy." Sorry, I just snorted with disgust at my thinking.

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