Track 1
I'm going to introduce this now. Yes, a proper introduction. About a week ago, I was watching a movie and the soundtrack was awesome. Not only the lyrical songs but the instrumental ones as well. The movie was okay. Afterwards, as I was driving home, listening to the radio, I imagined that as I was driving, what would be my theme song for that moment? Would it be sweeping? Would it be fun? Would it be popular? Would it be an obscure track (you know, that was made popular because it was in my movie)? This isn't the first or second or third time I've thought this as I drive along. Then, the thought struck me: I should actually make a soundtrack of my life. A soundtrack of songs that have not only meaning to my life, but that represent aspects of my personality and experiences. Over this past week I have been mulling over songs and how I would represent myself on the soundtrack. Would I write about why I chose the song? Would I just lay out a scene that would be unfolding while the song played in the background? Would I try to pull classical songs so I could impress the more, uh, academically minded crowd of one or two people who will read this? Here's a foreshadow for you: There will be at least one classical song on this soundtrack because that was a big part of my teen years. I might even sing it myself (probably not, so stop getting excited to hear me sing again). But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Here's how I decided it will work: I'm going to start from the end and work my way to the beginning. The beginning will take much more research because it is further away in my memory than say the past few years. Some songs will have YouTube videos attached to it of the song. Some won't. This first one is an experiment, so they may not all follow this first formula. I hope they don't. It'll be more fun that way...trust me.
So, without further explanation or adieu, I give you Track 1:
This is currently the theme song to my life. Go ahead and give it a listen if you don't recognize it. These past few months have been interesting. When I first moved to Utah, I came with the express intent of being a change in the world. And the way to do that was helping to change other people's lives. It was liberating and exhilarating and helped me rise to my potential if only for a moment. To put another's interests and eternal well-being ahead of my own was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. I was a force for good. And there are several examples I could give you of that good force (seriously not bragging...it just is what it is). But as we all know, I crashed after a couple of years. For some reason, I lost that purpose and that fire and the force was gone. I fell into the mentality of "I have helped so and so and so...when is it my turn?" I questioned my purpose in this life. I wavered. This world teaches us that if we put good out then good will come to us. Karma. I wasn't feeling it. I had decided that if I was going to be this force for good, then the only thing that would be good enough for repayment would be a husband and family of my own. Well...you read the blog. How is that going? Here's the thing: I cannot tell God what my reward will be. I cannot tell Him to give me anything. It is not my place nor my responsibility to make demands of Him. I didn't truly realize this until recently. It took a year of being whiny and butt hurt to push me into two years of regaining this power inside of me. This force for good. I am that small boat but I know (I know!) that one person has the capacity for such good things in this world by just saying a word, sharing an experience and living what she believes. So, stop worrying about me. I'm back. I'm strong. I'm also going to try really, really, really hard to not look for rewards this time.
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