New Beginning
You know what I sometimes really wish, Imaginary Cyberspace Friend? That my life, my specific life, came with an owners manual. I've been thinking deep thoughts lately. Yeah. I do that sometimes. Sometimes I just want someone to come up to me and tell me: Stefanie, if you do x than y will happen. If you do n than o will happen (those letters are used in algebra, right?). So, choose x because the second choice spells out "no". But grrrrr...it doesn't work that way. I have to keep making...decisions. I mean, I know myself enough to know that if my ability to make decisions was taken away, I would not be happy. Not at all because who wants to be told what to do all of the time? But every once in a while?? Would that be so bad?
Okay, that is not what I want to talk about. It's part of what I've been thinking about, but the bigger part of my thoughts lately have been with change. Hmmm...I guess those two go hand in hand. Anyways. If you've read my last post, I said I was going to start dating again on February 1st and that date is fast approaching. How am I feeling about it? Okay. It is something that is a motivating factor, but also something I am slightly weary of. I am definitely going into this bout with a brand new perspective. If you recall, I also said on that night I had danced like no one was looking. Well, I have been dancing almost every day since then. It is something that is very freeing. I have always been graceful and it is so fun to see the progress I have made over the past couple of weeks. For example, one leg is stronger than the other, so I make it a point to use that leg just as often as my other, stronger leg when it comes to lifts and balance. Tonight, there was hardly a difference in the grace of the leg lift. My body is changing in a different way than it has ever before. And that is exciting! Being in a rut is hard to get out of when I had been digging it for two years. So, I decided to try a different approach to almost my whole life. Instead of running, I am dancing. Instead of being unhappy, I am happy. Whoa. I just typed it, so it must be the truth.
Let's explore this happiness factor, shall we? I was dancing the other night all out of breath and sweaty and I had a sudden thought that I AM HAPPY! It was that loud in my head. The logical side of me said it was only because of the exercise I was doing, but then that logical side couldn't discount the fact that I have been happy for a few months now. Sure, there are days when I feel a little blue, but that usually coincides with my period. It is this sentiment and truth that I am happy that makes me feel confident in my decision to start dating again. All this time, I thought I was waiting for my body to be back to where I deemed acceptable, but really, I was waiting for my mind to be ready. My body has always, always followed where my mind takes it. Does that sound weird? What I mean, is when I was so unhappy and dejected and just through, my body responded by putting on weight. I know I've explored this before, but it feels like I'm on the other end of this bad phase of my life. And that, too, is exciting! Life is a series of endings and beginnings. Sometimes they overlap, but I'm ready to fully step into this new beginning.
I AM SO HAPPY!!
Okay, that is not what I want to talk about. It's part of what I've been thinking about, but the bigger part of my thoughts lately have been with change. Hmmm...I guess those two go hand in hand. Anyways. If you've read my last post, I said I was going to start dating again on February 1st and that date is fast approaching. How am I feeling about it? Okay. It is something that is a motivating factor, but also something I am slightly weary of. I am definitely going into this bout with a brand new perspective. If you recall, I also said on that night I had danced like no one was looking. Well, I have been dancing almost every day since then. It is something that is very freeing. I have always been graceful and it is so fun to see the progress I have made over the past couple of weeks. For example, one leg is stronger than the other, so I make it a point to use that leg just as often as my other, stronger leg when it comes to lifts and balance. Tonight, there was hardly a difference in the grace of the leg lift. My body is changing in a different way than it has ever before. And that is exciting! Being in a rut is hard to get out of when I had been digging it for two years. So, I decided to try a different approach to almost my whole life. Instead of running, I am dancing. Instead of being unhappy, I am happy. Whoa. I just typed it, so it must be the truth.
Let's explore this happiness factor, shall we? I was dancing the other night all out of breath and sweaty and I had a sudden thought that I AM HAPPY! It was that loud in my head. The logical side of me said it was only because of the exercise I was doing, but then that logical side couldn't discount the fact that I have been happy for a few months now. Sure, there are days when I feel a little blue, but that usually coincides with my period. It is this sentiment and truth that I am happy that makes me feel confident in my decision to start dating again. All this time, I thought I was waiting for my body to be back to where I deemed acceptable, but really, I was waiting for my mind to be ready. My body has always, always followed where my mind takes it. Does that sound weird? What I mean, is when I was so unhappy and dejected and just through, my body responded by putting on weight. I know I've explored this before, but it feels like I'm on the other end of this bad phase of my life. And that, too, is exciting! Life is a series of endings and beginnings. Sometimes they overlap, but I'm ready to fully step into this new beginning.
I AM SO HAPPY!!
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