Four Pillars

Do you ever have one of those days where you seem to do everything right (I got up at a decent time, bought a textbook, completely cleaned out my fridge, even worked out like I was supposed to) and you still end up feeling slightly disgruntled with yourself? Today was one of those days, Imaginary Cyberspace Friend. You understand me, don't you. I had been fighting this grumpiness all day when I decided to look through some of my facebook pictures. Why do I do this to myself? I know I'm not where I used to be. I know this. I did work out tonight and it was HARD! The workout I did was not supposed to be hard for me! Hmmm...maybe that added to my grumpiness. But what it comes down to, the heart of my disgruntleness, is that I do not think I am beautiful anymore. Stop boo hooing for me. I am not saying that to feel sorry for myself, but to say it out loud (or I guess type it) for the first time in a really, really long time. It is so crazy how much I identified myself with how I look or looked. It has given me confidence and on the flip side, brought me down to the some of the lowest of lows. I don't think people talk about how they perceive themselves very often. It is a rare conversation for me anyway even to have with myself. Is it really important? Is how I perceive myself and my health important to my overall well being? That would be an overwhelming YES. 

I saw a therapist last year for a bit (you know to try to get over that series of terrible men I dated) and we talked about the four pillars of a happy and balanced life. One of them was your relationship with your family and those close to you. One was your relationship with whatever God/Creator/Great Spirit you worship. One was your mental well being and the last was your physical well being. If any one of these is out of whack, then your life is unbalanced. To have all four of those things working for you at the same time is the goal. Have I achieved that goal? Not even close. But I'm working on it. How I see myself is part mental, part physical. Because I have seen myself as a person in much better shape, I have a higher standard for my physical well being. If I had never taken the path of weight loss by exercise and diet, then I don't think the standard would be that high. I could find that happiness with less, but since I have seen more, I strive for more now. 

Now, one of the things we discussed was how much these four pillars affect the others. For example, if there

is something wrong with one of your family relationships, then it may manifest itself in the physical by sickness or gaining unnecessary weight. If you used to be spiritual and that part of your life has lapsed, it may manifest itself with depression or some sort of mental strife. Depression can lead to weight gain. Suddenly your life is completely out of balance and until you find the root cause, it will most likely stay that way.

Huh. This is not where I was seeing this blog entry going. Let's end it on a slightly better note and maybe get rid of some of the grumpiness I started with. Even though I have a long, long way to go, overall, I do feel better. And stronger. My muscles are waking up again (sometimes a little too much...ouch!). My clothes, even though they are my bigger clothes, are fitting correctly and some are getting a little loose. I am trying to buoy up the physical pillar to help with the mental pillar to help with the relationships in my life. It all works. 

Oh, for the pictures, I was trying to get a before and after picture, but I don't have any really great after pictures, so I just picked the most recent one. Haha.