Tired

I'm searching for my motivation, Imaginary Cyberspace Friend. I was emailing a friend all of my motivations since I started being healthier four years ago and after a while, I noticed a theme. The majority of them were based on another person or group of people...and each failed. Oh, there is always initial success, especially with revenge motivated, uh, motivation, but that especially fizzes out when the revenge is no longer a part of your life (i.e. the person or thing they did). Now, I suppose if you want to hold onto a grudge or heartbreak for long enough to get in fantastic shape, go for it! It's your mental health...but for me that doesn't work anymore. Focusing on another person to get me past  the point of laziness (where I want to stay always) does not work long term. It goes away or loses some of its value. Now, I think the kids motivation for some would be awesome because they are usually around for longer than your life is, so if you have kids that you feel deserve a healthier parent (because they do...you brought them into this world...), then use that as a positive motivating force. I have no such kids to motivate me, though. I have no partner to push me and tell me how good I'm doing on a daily, even weekly basis. I have never felt more alone and unmotivated in my life. And if the motivation for me is supposed to come from within, how do I do it? What is there enough about myself to motivate change? I was actually hoping there would be something medically wrong with me, so I would have that reason, but nope...I'm healthy as a  horse, well, a healthy horse. I was thinking about it yesterday and I thought, I do at least 50% more for my health than most people I know (yes, I have bad days...we all do), yet, I am bigger than 90% of the world. How is that, now? I'm tired. I don't want to do this anymore...if my motivation has to come from within, how will I ever feel motivated again? I say again...I'm tired.

Comments

  1. I'm sorry you are feeling alone and tired. I've certainly felt both of those emotions. I don't know if its motivating but you inspire me!
    What about finding a race for a good cause or a goal that might be a challenge? Also, if you can find a group of people that share a common interest that can be motivating. Swimming with my swim friends has been great motivation to improve my times and just feel more eager to get in the pool.
    I know what you mean about the world and weight loss seemingly unfair. It is unfair and some days it really sucks. Like when a lady wouldn't sit next to me on a plane as soon as she saw how big I was. I wanted to wring her neck and say 'No, you don't understand. I've been working for 3 years to get this small'. It still makes me crazy when I think about it!
    I agree that trying to lose weight to get a man is a bad plan (or for any other person). What happens if you get him and gain? You don't need that insecurity in your life.
    Just keep plugging away and realize that the best at one moment may be mediocre at another. The important thing is we keep trying and doing. Satan will try to get you discouraged and unhappy in anyway he can. Don't let him! Love you!

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  2. So I was reading my Health magazine this month and they had an interview with Dara Torres. She is working right now to make her 6th Olympics. Pretty amazing.
    Anyway, they asked her
    'What's motivating you this time? Why keep proving yourself?'

    I liked her answer

    'I don't think I have to prove anything anymore. It's just the fact that I love challenges, and this is a huge one I'm taking on-much more so than 4 years ago...'

    You don't have to prove anything to anyone anymore. You've already won in my book. You've already done things that most people can't do.

    Now you just have to find something that challenges you, gets your juices flowing. My advice would be set some quick goals and some long-term. Find something you think is crazy like hiking the Inca Trail or competing in a triathlon. Whatever. Make it a challenge. You can do it!

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