It's been about six months since I've written here. I know it's probably not my record for time in between posts but this time was a little different. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to come back here. I wasn't sure about many things six months ago. So much has changed since then. I still live in the same place. I still have the same friends around me. But. I quit my job. And I've taken a couple-few months off to just be. I don't know if you got it from the last post that I was drowning in my own thoughts...but I was (haha).
Can I tell you a background story?
Let me take you back to the year 2000. I had just graduated from Ricks with an Associates in History and had been accepted to BYU to finish my degree. I decided to spend the summer in Utah for some reason and work until my roommates joined me in the fall. My brother-in-law had gotten me a job at the local call center. It paid something like $8 or $9 an hour, which was a lot back then (man, how did I get so old?). Everyone who has worked in a call center knows the monotony of it. The loneliness and Big Brother of it. Maybe some people can thrive in that sort of environment, but I was not one of them. I spiraled down and down and down until I was wrecked by the end of the summer. By July, I decided I had to leave Utah. And I did. It led me to Barnes & Noble early in September and that was the absolute best thing that could have happened to me at that time. The warm family environment that promoted acceptance, tolerance and knowledge sculpted me into a wonderful human being. Every store I would go into brought a new set of challenges but the core values were always there. I loved it. I still love it. Maybe, if they will have me back, I'll come back into the fold.
Fast forward 15 years. I decided to accept another phone center job. I do not know, for the life of me, why why why I thought this would be different than before. Maybe I thought there was a level of professionalism and opportunity that I did not have in the previous one. But, in the end, it was the same. The monotony and loneliness and Big Brother of it all. And I only had one friend. Well, two, but the first left me after only a couple of months. There was no physical contact with the outside world. I would sit, alone, every day and look out these giant glass windows onto the roof of Barnes & Noble. I would look at the store that had given me a job transfer in the middle of the recession when no one else in the district was hiring. And with that I was able to begin my life in Salt Lake. I would remember almost everyday because I was reminded almost everyday. There was a point when, walking with that first friend who left me, we came to the place where both buildings (my then-current workplace and Barnes & Noble) meet and I just burst into tears (looking back, I can't believe how many times I cried during work hours this past year). And I just pointed, quite dramatically, with my arms to both buildings and shouted out loud, "how ironic is this???" I can't remember the rest of the conversation but I do remember that dramatic flinging of the arms pointing to both buildings. One had saved me and one was slowly crushing me.
So, instead of trying to make it work again and again and again, knowing in my heart that if I stayed, no matter how successful I became, I would never be happy or fulfilled in my job, I left. No regrets.
Fast forward to current day:
I realized a few days ago that I feel normal again. It came on quietly and slowly. It came on with talks with Jana and with my mother and with Melanie and with Mari and with the ocean. It came on with late nights watching my kitty sleep and then waking him up to throw hair ties for him, which I will probably do tonight. It came with reading and watching talks of people who know more about life than me. It came with music (can I just say how amazingly talented Lady Gaga is?). It came with exercise and joining a group that loves working out with Jillian Michaels as much as me (Jillian Michaels Workout Junkies...they are seriously the best Facebook group out there).
And then, I thought to myself, "what a wonderful world I am part of."
So, here is the big lesson I learned: never, ever, ever again will I ever take a call center job. No matter how glamorous they try to dress it up. My personality will wither and die in that environment.
Now. Onto the next big adventure of my life.
But first...pictures of Mr. Charles Xavier, Mr. X for short, age 1.5 (sweetest kitty there ever was).
Now, I'm not saying life won't ever throw me a curve ball again because I'm old enough to know it will. But, just look at that face. He makes it all better :). Yes, the best thing I did this year was adopt this guy. Right in front of all the other stuff I wrote up top.