A Year and a Half

I think I'm going to pretend the last year and a half didn't happen. Except that it did (I mean, of course it did). As I wrote that first sentence, I was suddenly reminded of all the great things that have happened in that year and a half. I started school and finished my first year back with a 4.0 (something I thought I was previously not capable of). I had the opportunity to see two of the dearest people in my life get married. I met some amazing people (the list would be too long, and I don't want to embarrass anyone with my gushing of how amazing they really are). I feel like I've reconnected with family members that I had previously, maybe, might have, ummm...ignored just a bit (sorry!). I've found some great music (those of you who don't know me very well might not know that I'm a pretty big music fanatic). I'm sure there's more, but just like the amazing people I've met, the list would be too long.

I was having a conversation with my amazing roommate, Jana, the other night and I told her that I came to Utah with such gusto (later on, in my mind, I called it swagger...or swagga if you want to be all gangsta). I told her I came to change Utah, not to have Utah change me. I said this with some trepidation because this past year and a half, I feel like I have been failing at this goal. My gusto/swagga was gone. Then, we started talking about the individual people in my life that have changed completely since I've been here. I'm not saying it was all me (no way), but I feel like I was in the right place at the right time to help affect change. To set an example. To say a prayer. To talk (and talk and talk). To just be there. And once in a while to say...what you are doing is dumb...stop it.

We went on talking and I said, now what? I can keep doing that, looking for opportunity to help others (and I will for sure), but this past year and a half I have lost myself. This happened for several reasons (please read my previous posts for why) and that is all well and good, but how long can I keep dwelling on the past? How long does it take to affect change in myself? The answer to that question? A year and a half.

It started with school, then my job and now my life. The phrase that keeps going through my mind is I am doing things right this time. I am doing school right. I am doing things right with my job (I seriously love my job right now) and a couple weeks ago, I started to do things right with my life. And tonight as I was working out, I almost felt normal (I say almost because I have a long way to go from that year and a half). In short, I felt my swagger coming back.

Okay, so right now I really want to say: Watch Out Boys...sorry mom...Men! But, I can't. Joey, my trainer, would, I'm 99% sure, kill me (in my workout). He has that power. Seriously. Because I'm doing that right this time, too.